Well..again, as I was sitting, I got to thinking...I never realized I belonged to one of the two biggest groups in the world. My group is matched only be one other..Fathers. There cannot be a group larger than these two...because LOL..without either one, there would be NO groups....Look at me..socializing!!! Truth be told, this group, large as it is, seldom has meetings..in fact, members are usually left to find their own way, some fail, but the majority somehow find a way to manage their membership dues.
I know there are a whack of books and "self-help" groups out there, that state claim to have all the answers necessary for this all inclusive membership, but...that is B.S.! There are no set guidelines, rules have to be made as one goes along. Each situation is totally unique, and although some circumstances may seem the same..they are not. There cannot be set rules, because every single Mother out there has a heart and mind of their own, and every single one is given a child that also has a mind of their own. One can accept advise, and..geez..give it a go, it just might work..but..just because it worked for the other Mom..don't count on the same results with your child!
Being a Mom is a lifetime commitment. It doesn't end after 18 years..sometimes the years after 18 can be the hardest...I remember thinking when I got my first child potty trained, I was going to have smooth sailing..Hah! That stinky poop was the easy stuff..the sh*t that follows is far harder, you can't just wipe it up and throw it away, or contain it into a pamper sized pile. Once they learn to sit on the toilet..your real job begins.
No one is a perfect Mother, although I believe I had the best Mom in the world, and miss her dearly, even after almost 34 years..I also know she was not perfect.But she worked harder at her job, than I have at mine, and she is the standard I try to hold myself up to. Like her, I made a ton of mistakes, many of which I am reminded of. I know her mistakes, and I attempted to steer clear of those during my turn, but I made many of the same..funny that, eh? Maybe those mistakes are pretty difficult to escape? I hear others state they will be better Mothers to their children..Humm...good luck with that ladies..because again..each child has their own plans, and those plans just might (actually there is no might about it) screw with yours!
It's the hardest position in the world..no doubt about that. Having a sick child, or one that is hurt, as a Mother, you know there is nothing more difficult. Trying to find patience when you feel you have scraped the bottom of the barrel, and licked up every drop..extremely wearing. Having your child expect something impossible to give, when they deserve a reward..painful..Constantly using that 2 letter word, even when you wish you didn't have to, hating NO likely just as much as your child.
All along this, you are the mean one, the rule maker, the one who is "Hated" and the one they wish they could exchange for a nice Mom. If being a Mom was just this..no one would ever join that group. But..along with all that, there are some amazing perks to the membership. First steps, first smiles, first words..all of those are your rewards. To be a part of raising a child allows Moms to take a tiny piece of pride with each and everything your child does no matter how old they are..That is pay back..because as my Mom used to say..I brought you into this world (it escapes me what came after)..so...we are allowed to live vicariously through our kids even when they grow up. Of course if they screw up..well..again my Mom had a saying for that "That isn't the way we raised you". So, once children grow up..our culpability ends with just the good stuff..right?
Again, one becomes a lifetime member, you can be 85 and there you are..still part of the group.
I have reached perhaps the best level of membership, I have paid a huge pile of my dues, and although I will remain Mom until the day I die, and..yep, even after, I can look at my children and see, I did a pretty good job, they are healthy, they are good people, and...they all claim they love me (hey, I believe them most of the time) so....there you go..the biggest perk of the membership..pretty much unconditional love in return for the same..That is what a Mother has to give to be a member in good standing...Unconditional love..not easy, but most of the finer things in life take a lot of hard work!
To those entering this group, best of luck..to those in the middle of it..stay strong..and to those like myself, sitting in the sunshine of latter Mothering..be proud of your accomplishments, and enjoy the day savoring the benefits!HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!
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